Coping with Loss

"Standing alone in her grief for as long as it takes to remember it is also a thing that binds us together." --Brian Andreas

I have been thinking about loss a lot lately. In my role as a school social worker I hear astoundingly sad stories about children and teenagers who have had friends, siblings, cousins, parents, teachers, and so many other important people in their lives die in tragic and sudden ways, and from long protracted illnesses. Regardless of the person lost or the way that they died, having someone close die is undeniably painful, saddening, unsettling, and produces countless reactions in people of all ages. Their stories and experiences are remarkably similar and wholly unique, as are the losses each of us endures as children, teens, and adults.

In life, we face many losses. The loss of a job, the move of a close friend, the end of a romantic relationship, the death of a mentor, the end of single life when entering a marriage. With each of these experiences, grief and loss can make us feel alone and disconnected--from ourselves, the people we love, the things we've always enjoyed.

Some ways to get through feelings of grief and loss and to feel less alone:

• Write in a journal. Letting thoughts and feelings out helps bring relief.
• Remember who in your life is a support to you--friends, family members, teachers, clergy, therapist, co-workers, neighbors. Accept the help that they offer and let them know what might help you--cooked meals, company, a friend to watch a movie, a walk around the block together, a partner to drive you to a counseling appointment.
  
• Do activities that bring you relaxation, laughter, or a feeling of connection--hike, ride your bike, watch a funny movie, enjoy music, take a hot bath, talk, create art, play a sport.
• If someone close to you has died, attend a grief support group. Here in Los Angeles, we have a wonderful community-based agency called Our House, dedicated to this issue.
  
• Seek further help from clergy, a therapist, or a grief support center if you feel that you are not able to talk with friends and loved ones as much as you need to, or if feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or irritability seem to be interfering with work, relationships, sleep, eating or other important parts of your life.